In the Theatre of Triggered Memories
by pineapple gel
Summary: Persona 4; new game plus - Souji learns that there are some things he cannot go back and change and some truths best kept to himself.


**[In the Theatre of Triggered Memories]**

He'll never know the truth.

At first his mind is foggied like the stretching contours of a dreamscape corridor he can barely make out. He's walking, running, existing and breathing. This is all familiar-- irrationally, disturbingly familiar. A right and he's exiting the train platform; a doorway to the left and he's nauseated and shaken at the Moel gas station.

It takes time; snippets of truth making themselves known, but painfully. Slowly. Nothing is surprising either, and as time passes, he feels more disconcerted -- worried like there's something wrong with him and he's thousands of kilometers away from his parents. (but somehow... somehow he feels he can trust Dojima; that everything will be okay) It isn't so much prescience as that filmy, thread-bare feeling of deja vu. Like thinking about a song a split second before it comes on the radio. (Yosuke would appreciate the metaphor, he thinks to himself before realizing he doesn't even know the boy all that well so how could he be certain?) Little things culminate into bigger things: He knows he should be surprised when he learns an urban legend is true; when he finds himself getting sucked into a _television_.

Instead it feels comforting. Par for the course.

It takes another night for everything to become clear: Why he winced before Chie got a chance to kick Hanamur--_Yosuke_; why something in the way Yosuke grappled for a falling pencil in midfall made him think of speedy reflexes and precise knife-strikes; why lunch with Yukiko Amagi sounded both exciting and frightening beyond all mention.

And Saki. Dear Saki-senpai.

_Why when he met her for the first time... he could only notice the way her smile resembled her brother's (brother's?) forceful _it's okay, leave me alone_ glances; the way her face -- if he kept staring, he could envision what her _skull_ looked like, under skin and muscle. Something hidden yet there -- noticeable when you looked -- like tactful lies told for everyone's good._

He wakes up to pea soup fog and the tv is on again. It's on, but it's not; not really. It's crackling and fuzzy for the second night in a row, like his mind was before. Now everything is hi-def and surround sound, except the small display.

She's there.

And for a split second, Souji knows he has a chance this time. He knows he can do it and he reaches, feels his hand slip in through the television screen. Pulls himself forward because he has to do this. He has to save her this time. Maybe this time things will go right and they'll find the killer. Naoki will be happier. Yosuke won't feel so guilty; won't blame himself. He can do it. It's what he's here for.

He pulls back, realization hitting the pit of his stomach, violent and cold. He doesn't fit and even if he did, he'd be lost. He can't get into Junes now without Yosuke and when he reaches for the phone he notices _two_ of them. Two Sakis. Remembers what the date is.

He's too late. Too, too late...

And He's going to be sick. He swallows back rising bile and only feels sicker.

...Contemplates ways he can turn everything back around. (It worked before. Can't it work again? Can't it?)

...Turns away from the screen. (He can't see this, no he can't. It's failure on the basest of levels, isn't it? Because he's the only one who can save her. It's why he was given this power, wasn't it?)

...Turns back when he hears a scream because as wretched and disgusted as he feels, he knows he _should_ watch this. (She's terrified and beautiful and this is all his fault. His failure.)

He can only hope that Yosuke is too exhausted from entering the TV to see what's happening, because his friend will barely have a grasp on knowing she died (is about to die) and watching her die would probably be too heavy a burden to bear. Thankfully, judging by how everything's turned out up until this moment, it seems like _he's_ the only thing that's changed. That without his interference, everything is going to go exactly the way it did before...

The screen flickers to black the moment the final blow comes. Souji drops, numb and weak and sick beyond all measure. He wants to scream or cry or both, but all that comes is rising nausea and before he can do anything more then grab the nearest wastebasket, he's heaving violently, emptying himself until he feels better and worse at the same time.

In the morning she'll be strung up on one of Inaba's many powerlines, like a pretty little decoration gone horribly wrong. In the morning all of this will really begin, but this time he'll do everything right.

In the morning, he'll pretend this is all new. He'll pretend he's never fought a shadow. He'll pretend that he hasn't met Risette. He'll pretend he doesn't understand who Kanji really is. He'll pretend to be surprised when Naoto reveals her little secret and when Teddie reveals _his_. He'll pretend his suspicions aren't truth when he considers Chie and Yukiko's close "friendship." He'll pretend he hasn't gone through the ups and downs that come part and parcel upon undertaking a relationship with Yosuke Hanamura.

And when the news breaks out that Saki Konishi has been found dead, he'll act surprised.

Because no one but him can know what happened that night.

Not Yosuke.

_Especially_ not Yosuke.

And He'll never know the truth.


End file.
